"Without a Doubt" 01/20/2003 I think about going home quite a bit. I bet that a lot of the volunteers do. Another one bailed out and went home last week. Here on St. Vincent we are so close to home that it makes it harder to live here. The old life is so close that you can smell it. I'll admit that sometimes I am pretty darn lonely and homesick, and this leads quite a few unhappy days. It is also incredibly frustrating to be living in the Caribbean and not be able to see the ocean most of the time. I have always believed that if what you are doing doesn't make you happy, you shouldn't be doing it. I have also come to believe that many people, including my present self, don't know what happiness is. My problem is on the inside, and not with St. Vincent. Wherever you go, there you are. If I went home I would probably still be bummed out anyways. I would also miss out on those rare days like yesterday. It was a Sunday afternoon and I felt like taking a walk up the river. I didn't get very far till I ran into a group of people from South Rivers having a "cook", and they insisted that I join them. A cook is where a group of people take a big pot and head up the river. On they way they collect dasheen, tannia, and yam from the ground. They also catch fish, crayfish, and river lobster. Then they throw everything in the pot and cook it over a fire. While the pot is cooking, people just tell stories and gossip. Once everything is cooked, they put some banana leaves on the ground and pour the pot out on the leaves. Then you just take a stick as your utensil and go at it. Between the river water and new foods, I am surprised that I didn't get sick. It sure was tasty, and as a "guest of honor" I got to eat one of the river lobsters. I am not a seafood fan, but this was some good stuff. So the verdict is that I am not going anywhere. I will not leave until I am without a doubt that it is the right thing to do. The homesickness is fading away all the time. The loneliness too. I also hope to get better at being a patient teacher. It will be an exciting day when that first person gets a job because of their new computer skills. If I am a little bummed out then that is ok. At least I know what I am working for.